The Happiest Baby- Today? Not So Much...

This is a picture of Eric from about 2 months ago. I put this hat on him to go outside. You know, cold weather. Warm hat. Good mommy taking care of baby. So you'd think. Take another look at the expression on that face. He hated it.

Eric hates hats. Hates 'em. Don't know why, unless it's just that he doesn't like things being pressed down on his head. OK, guess that's it. Other things he doesn't like: Putting his arms through long sleeves. Getting strapped into the carseat or stroller. I have no idea why, though I suppose in his little baby brain he thinks that the less-than-five seconds that his arms are "restrained" is a period of time that will last into perpetuity. I guess I'd panic, too.

So, in the last five and a half months (ee gads! that long?) I've gotten pretty good at figuring out what Eric wants or doesn't want. I'm kind of proud of that. I feel competent and secure and just pretty good about myself in that regard. Then a day like today comes along, and I wonder, "What in the world...?"

Eric was one unhappy camper today. Wouldn't take a nap, didn't want to be held too much. Enjoyed being in his exersaucer and bumper jumper, but didn't want "tummy time" or anything to do with his activity center or whatever it's called. Was excited about breakfast and dinner and ate well. No fever. Maybe getting another tooth. I don't know.... The poor guy. To top it all off, he wouldn't fall asleep as easily as usual.

Poor me! I was looking forward to lunch with a new friend (ahh, bliss) and had to cancel. I needed to clean the apartment- that didn't go well, either. I had little energy for dinner, and Friday night dinner is my specialty. [Michael and I aren't super-religious, but Shabbat dinner is our sacred time together each week, complete with challah, candles and kiddush (er, not in that order!)] Then tonight after dinner, Michael was taking a friend to the movies and I was looking forward to stretching out on the couch- instead, it took an hour for Eric to settle in and fall asleep. Oh well. He finally did. And now, I'm ready to put on some chick TV (What Not to Wear) and chill.

It's still a good night. It wasn't a terrible day, anyway. I did get a lot done, the house looks great, dinner was awesome, and I'll get to have lunch with Erica next week. After any hard day, I remember that tomorrow promises to be different.

Tomorrow is Saturday- We'll go to shul. I'll get to be with my two favorite men in the whole world. And, Michael and I are going out to dinner. Eric will get to be with Grandma.

1, 2, 3, 4, Favre

No Brett? No Grizzly Ol' Favre? How can it be?

This year, I finally claimed loyalty to a team. For the last few football seasons that I've been married, I really grew to love football. Michael and I watched every game we could and enjoyed every minute of it.

I used to like football before, but I never declared loyalty to any particular team- not even any of the NY teams. I loved seeing the Jets or Giants win. I even liked the Cowboys and liked seeing them win. But this year was different. I chose Green Bay as my favorite. Done. I had a team.

I'm not the most knowledgeable about football in general- I still ask Michael a dozen questions a game (at least) about different rules or calls- I still don't even know all the different positions on defensive and offensive teams. But I do know quarterback- and Brett Favre was number 1 for me.

What a great player to watch- on and off the field. A guy of class, in my opinion- quiet personal life, no scandals, no divorces, no leaving a pregnant girlfriend for someone else, no nothin'. Just a star quarterback who led his team to two Superbowls and defeated all 31 other current NFL teams (only the third QB to do so). There's so much more. You can read more about Brett here and the Packers here. It's exciting to have seen so much of (who I think to be) the greatest football player of my lifetime.

I know Brett Favre will go on to something else. I'll wait to hear what he has to say at his press conference later today, but I imagine he won't retire "quietly." I imagine he'll continue to give of his time and resources to help others, as he's done up until now. He'll be around....

We'll miss you, Brett.

Spring Can't Be Far Off...

Yesterday, temperatures hit the high 50's here in New York. I couldn't believe it! Oh, joy! What great fortune! After agonizing about whether or not I should take Eric outside (with that cold), I decided fresh air would be great for both of us and happened to check the weather on NY1.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw 55 degrees at the bottom of the screen! So, we headed out for a walk. And the walk led us to Paul's Park in South Riverdale. Paul's Park is a wonderful little park with swings, slides, a sandbox and plenty of toys. Yes, toys! Toys that stay there. Toys that no one steals. And it's just great. One of those special NY things I love.

The park was fixed up and watched over by an elderly man named Paul (I don't know the last name) some years ago, and since then, the park has been in great shape. People bring their children's old toys- exersaucers, tricycles, riding toys of all kinds- when they've outgrown them, and the toys stay. It's just amazing.

Yesterday was special, even beyond the great weather. Eric had his first swing ride. He was a little nervous to start off, but he gradually relaxed and (I think) began to really like it. Happily, I had my camera phone ready and took a couple of shots. And this is what you see here.... Enjoy.

Morning, Sunshine!

What?!? Coming in with a camera to wake me up? I'm not sure I look my best right now....

Well, okay. Anything for you, Momma!

The Old and The New

Well, it was "baby's first" cold yesterday. Started Thursday, made Thursday night miserable and Friday mildly unbearable. We like to go OUT! We did go out, actually- to the doctor. Eric thankfully was fine- just a bad cold.

I say "fine" because no ear infection, no throat infection, no bronchitis or pneumonia. Whew. A cold we can deal with easily. Except for the staying indoors part. That's where it gets tricky for momma. I couldn't wait for Michael to get home and take over for a short time so I could go out and get a vaporizer for Eric's room!

I remember when a big trip out for me consisted of an afternoon at Macy's with lunch somewhere along the way. And when going out on a Friday evening was to dinner or drinks with friends. Or, after meeting Michael, Friday was usually the start of a great weekend together.

That's one of the big adjustments related to being a new mom. I sincerely looked forward to going out and taking care of Eric- I wasn't going to let him go a single minute of the night without something he needed. But boy oh boy, there are times I really really miss being "free" to do whatever I feel like.

Right before Eric was born, two of my closest friends went to the US Open. It was something we all might have done together at one point in our lives. The trip to the Open was followed up by a long weekend at the Jersey Shore- something else I'd have loved and joined in on. A few days after I heard about their plans, I completely broke down knowing that my life was forever changed- and Eric wasn't even "here" yet! I felt torn; I felt guilty; I even felt angry. My life, I feared- and felt- was over.

I was right, on a couple of counts. I was ending a life of just me and Michael and a life of just me and what I wanted. But something else was beginning, and I was able to grasp that. A new purpose, a new life was being put into my hands. That was incredible to think about. My life wasn't ending- it was changing. But sometimes it's hard to keep holding on to that. I think that's normal, though. After all, I lived my entire life for myself- nearly 40 years, and suddenly that all changed completely.

It's been a hard couple of days. I love taking care of Eric- and when he's sick, the "nurse" part of me feels like I can really "fix" him up. But every now and then I feel frustrated that I'm so far out of the picture. Someone said to me recently that now is the time to take care of myself- you know, the first few months after giving birth. All I could think was, "I've never felt so far away from first in my entire life. How do I do that?"

How do I?

A Day Indoors

This has been a decent winter. The weather here in NYC has been warmer than usual for the most part and Eric and I have been lucky enough to get out on most days. Michael and I have even taken Eric downtown by subway to explore and wander around. It's been sunny, in the 40's or high 30's- or even warmer- and it's been great.

Today was not one of those days.

It was freezing outside.

And that left me wondering what to do... and dealing with unsettling neuroses.

Do we go outside? No. I don't think so. But we've been out before in the cold. Well, it wasn't this cold. Is it really that cold out? Let me check NY 1. Grrrrr.... bad windchill. But if I put the weather cover over the stroller- isn't that okay?

So went the inner dialogue.

I didn't start out being neurotic. I was completely determined to not "go there." Ever. I was proud of being sensible and not easily blown back and forth by decisions to be made. After all, I'm a savvy New York City woman. I'm a nurse. I've handled life and death situations on a daily basis- I mean, real life and death. But then one doctor's appointment around month 5, I was changed. I started worrying about being the bad mother. Not a bad mother, the bad mother. The one every other mother would warn against.

Eric didn't gain enough weight. I haven't been feeding him enough! Every 3 hours seemed to be doing it and he was eating well and fast and letting me know he was done. But, wait- I must have been wrong. OK, we're starting solids. Oh no, he's not really eating the cereal! What's wrong now? OK, let me nurse him more. What if he never grows? What if he's the smallest kid around because I haven't fed him enough?

.... And on and on and on, until it got to something as mundane as the weather. Oh man! I don't want it to be like this!

So we didn't go out today. We stayed in. I'm glad, too. Because tonight someone has his first cold, and if we'd gone out today, can you imagine the guilt then?

But, how'd I let him get that cold? What did I do wrong there?

Oy, it never ends. Does it?

Out to Lunch

My sweet little Eric. He is just amazing. So in the moment. Happy or sad, afraid or confident- he's in the moment. There's something to be learned from that.

Tired? Time to nap. Hungry? Time to eat. Tooth coming in? Let me suck on my fingers or some plastic-y thing. No matter what time it is, that's what time it is. Very zen. Hmm, the Tao of Baby.

We went out for a walk today. I had a few things to do in our neighborhood... post office, bagel store, dry cleaners... you get the picture. We stopped at my favorite Chinese restaurant on the spur of the moment for lunch. Very daring, I know. Who knows how a baby is going to act while anywhere- especially at a restaurant. Well, we went in, I sat down with Eric's stroller up against the table, and he was, well, he was....

Perfect.

I, however, was on edge. Wondering what he'd do when he suddenly got bored of Puppy. Wondering when he'd have a meltdown. I couldn't eat fast enough, or so I thought.

I give him so little credit. He was perfect. He played with Puppy (his stuffed toy). He watched the waiters going back and forth and gave big smiles and wiggles when he saw them come near. He kicked at some chiming rattles hanging on his stroller by his feet. He looked around at everything and simply had a great time. He finally did get a little bored, but by then it was more him getting tired... he was due for his nap. Sweet Eric. I was done with lunch. We left. Within a few minutes he was asleep in his stroller.

I got so much joy out of watching him during our little date. It was a short time that I don't want to ever let go of or forget. It was the best lunch I've had in awhile; I can't wait to do it again.

And next time, I won't be so nervous.