A Day Indoors

This has been a decent winter. The weather here in NYC has been warmer than usual for the most part and Eric and I have been lucky enough to get out on most days. Michael and I have even taken Eric downtown by subway to explore and wander around. It's been sunny, in the 40's or high 30's- or even warmer- and it's been great.

Today was not one of those days.

It was freezing outside.

And that left me wondering what to do... and dealing with unsettling neuroses.

Do we go outside? No. I don't think so. But we've been out before in the cold. Well, it wasn't this cold. Is it really that cold out? Let me check NY 1. Grrrrr.... bad windchill. But if I put the weather cover over the stroller- isn't that okay?

So went the inner dialogue.

I didn't start out being neurotic. I was completely determined to not "go there." Ever. I was proud of being sensible and not easily blown back and forth by decisions to be made. After all, I'm a savvy New York City woman. I'm a nurse. I've handled life and death situations on a daily basis- I mean, real life and death. But then one doctor's appointment around month 5, I was changed. I started worrying about being the bad mother. Not a bad mother, the bad mother. The one every other mother would warn against.

Eric didn't gain enough weight. I haven't been feeding him enough! Every 3 hours seemed to be doing it and he was eating well and fast and letting me know he was done. But, wait- I must have been wrong. OK, we're starting solids. Oh no, he's not really eating the cereal! What's wrong now? OK, let me nurse him more. What if he never grows? What if he's the smallest kid around because I haven't fed him enough?

.... And on and on and on, until it got to something as mundane as the weather. Oh man! I don't want it to be like this!

So we didn't go out today. We stayed in. I'm glad, too. Because tonight someone has his first cold, and if we'd gone out today, can you imagine the guilt then?

But, how'd I let him get that cold? What did I do wrong there?

Oy, it never ends. Does it?